some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
