i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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