Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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