nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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