and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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