Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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