We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
