You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
