member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
