just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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