i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
being pregnant is like rehab
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
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