apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
