quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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