hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
