Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You can't just leave with hair like that
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
