oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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