too bad you live with your parents still
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
