no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
