You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
