We're like a lot better than the average bears
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
