batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
