38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
