she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
