I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
