Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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