So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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