I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
