HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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