We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
