You really coming over, don't trick.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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