Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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