I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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