Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
