so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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