Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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