I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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