Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
