No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
