Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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