plz talk dirty to me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize