Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
