last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
