I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
