im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my shit smells like andre
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
