You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
