dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize