I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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