Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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