just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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