Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I intend to get homeless drunk
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize