Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
