STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
