Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
