I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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