Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
