When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize