guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize