he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
