Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
