I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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