The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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