I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
