come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
