when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
